Three dads like to do a bit of walking together. More than a bit, in fact. It takes some planning, not least because Andy lives in Cumbria, Mike is from South Manchester, and for Tim home is Norfolk.
They first set off from Andy’s house in the historic Cumbrian village of Morland. It was 9th October 2021, the day they became fundraising walkers, or walking fundraisers, men inspired by a woman called Jean, a mum from Lancashire, a philanthropist who gave them hope and purpose.
Over the next 14 days they covered 300 miles on foot cross-country from Cumbria to Norfolk. It still wasn’t enough. They resolved to walk 500 miles together the following year in one epic 31-day trek between the parliaments of the four home nations. And they did just that. Over the course of the two walks Andy, Mike and Tim succeeded in raising more than £1 million for the charity Jean had set up in 1997. They still weren’t done. A third walk of 500 miles between Stirling and Norwich was completed in May 2024 raising hundreds of thousands more. Who knows what they’ll do next.
Andy, Mike and Tim became this ‘Three Dads’ fundraising walking phenomenon because Jean had been through what they had. She knew exactly how they felt. Neither Jean nor they could keep it to themselves. It didn’t feel right. People had to know.
At first Jean and her husband hadn’t known what to do. The numbing, paralysing shock was too great, too painful. One day in November 1989 they were the proud parents of Edward, as kind and thoughtful a 17-year-old son as any mum or dad could hope to have. When it came to birthdays it was always Edward who would remember to bake a cake. When it came to studies, Edward worked hard and passed exams. He was happy, had everything going for him. The future beckoned. The next day in November 1989 Edward took his own life without warning, having shown no signs of anxiety or depression or breakdown. Nothing.
After a while, Jean looked for outside help. To cope, to share, to process, to try to make sense of what had happened so unexpectedly. And yes, there were bereaved parents’ groups where she met people who had lost children in many different ways. That was comforting. It was helpful, too, to be invited to meetings with the Department of Health and to speak at conferences on youth suicide.
Only Jean could not find any charities or other organisations dedicated specifically to raising awareness of what she now knew was the single biggest cause of death in young people, male and female, under the age of 35 in the UK. None.
It was all well and good to be listened to, and applauded, but Jean still felt hers was a lone voice. There was no mechanism, nothing to stop youth suicide from disappearing out of sight and out of mind until the next tragedy hit the headlines, until the questions started all over again about how and why this young person’s tragic loss could have been prevented.
Eight years after Edward’s death Jean gave up waiting for other people, as philanthropists do. Recognising the unique perspective of parents, she formed a group which quickly came up with the name of PAPYRUS, the Parents’ Association for the Prevention of Young Suicide.
By the time Andy, Mike and Tim were pulling on their walking boots nearly 25 years later, PAPYRUS had become more, so much more, than a group of parents committed to sharing their story of unimaginable grief. Jean had served as chair of the newly formed charity for its first four years before handing over the reins. A dedicated helpline offering confidential support and advice for young people struggling with thoughts of suicide had been created. Training programmes for individuals, groups, local councils, teachers and school staff, and healthcare professionals had been delivered and expanded, but still only through five office and community hubs across the UK.
Especially after the hardships and suffering caused by the Covid pandemic, somebody needed to breathe new life into Jean’s extraordinary philanthropy. Somebody had to put in the miles, to put PAPYRUS on the map, to make more people aware and generate the money required to spread the word.
Step forward Andy, father of Sophie: Sophie, the girl who had been Deputy Head at Kirkby Kendal School; who had spent a summer volunteering at an orphanage in Kenya, who had delighted in becoming a nurse. Step forward Mike, father of Beth: Beth, who loved to sing and dance; who created art like no-one else; who hated not being able to finish college with her friends because of Covid. Step forward Tim, father of Emily: Emily who loved driving to Cornwall in her Mini; who made customers in the village pub laugh; who was ready to volunteer in the NHS during the pandemic before anyone had been asked to sign up.
Thanks in no small part to Andy, Mike and Tim stepping forward, today PAPYRUS has not five, but 18 office and community hubs across the country. More will follow and its helpline hours have been extended.
Three dads like to do a bit of walking together, pleased and proud to take the next step for Jean and PAPYRUS, for the love of Sophie, Beth and Emily, for each other, and for the thousands of young people whose names they will never know.